Do I sign my kid's birth certificate? Do you know any lawyers?

In the past, I've signed my children's birth certificates as the "attendant". This is not something I really ever planned to do. I think it originally just sorta happened. You go downtown and find the vital statistics people in the basement of the courthouse where they create these arcane documents, and when you say that you didn't have a licensed medical attendant, and there's an empty line to be signed, somehow you end up signing as the father and as the attendant.

I also vaguely recollect a midwife claimed once that whoever cuts the cord (this being, she also claimed, the only 'medical' act that occurs in many home births) is the attendant. But that's probably false—on both counts. It still probably reinforced my mental justification for signing.

Now I'm not sure that's a wise thing to do. It might have been fine when I was an unlicensed nobody, but now that I'm subject to the Nurse Practice Act I'm afraid I could be accused of practicing nursing outside of a licensed facility. Or practicing medicine, that old standby. it just seems I shouldn't have my name on a public record in the capacity of a birth attendent. I've never had a felony. I've heard those things stay on your permanent record.

This could be a viable alternative.

But wouldn't family be exempt? I would assume it would keep me exempt just like before. Assuming I was ever exempt. Did I say I signed anything? I meant hypothetically. My, uh, friend signed it.

I'm just not sure what the alternative is. Would my wife sign as attendant? Should it just be left blank?

IT A GRIL

Go to Cakewrecks. It's funny.

We totally had a baby yesterday. It went like this. A couple days of false labors starting and stopping. Then yesterday morning she's going into what seems like real labor, in the bathroom, while I'm going about the house cleaning up and getting the kids ready to go off with Grandma. Then the midwife arrives and I pop into the bathroom to see how the wife is doing. I'm sorta surprised to see that she's having these really long powerful contractions pretty close together! Glad I was paying attention.

The next few hours develop as labor tends to do, getting harder and stronger and more intense. This one seemed more painful than the rest. The baby was originally posterior and we weren't sure if she had turned. (Posterior labor = badness.) At one point she had my hand in a death grip, crunching my finger bones against my ring. It's just kinda funny because it's not like I can complain, right? Another time she had her face on my knee while I was sitting next to her, and I thought...I don't know what I'm going to do if she bites me.

At one point the midwife said there was a 'lip', where the cervix or some other woman innard gets caught under the descending head, so my wife had to stop pushing. She almost couldn't handle that, and I thought we were in for a day of misery. But after a bit the midwife determined she could start pushing again. And then things started moving fast. Really fast.

I don't know if you're squeamish, but at some point after that the midwife calls my attention to the posterior region. The baby's head is already totally out—but still in the bag of waters. Imagine a baby's head in a water balloon, sticking out of somebody. A WATER BALLOON.  Despite four other home births I've never seen that before. In fact, we had one other baby 'in the caul' before, but that midwife broke those waters before I saw. The midwife didn't have to break these; her arm was half-up and in a show of baby might she shoved it out of the bag herself.

She popped right out and was in mom's arms. After a little while she was nursing like a champ.

Right away I could tell she wasn't as big as the last baby (11 lb 6 oz). We guessed weights with the midwife, and we all agreed she was probably in the 9 to 10 pound range. Ironically I'm getting handy at gauging babies in the upper bodyweight divisions. Actually she looked small. And she still does. A pound makes an enormous difference in a baby. And despite the 'lip' and the pain, my wife said it was a much easier labor than last time—understandable right? Actual weight: 10 pounds 4 ounces.

She's a doll. She's cute and easy to please. Well, all babies kinda look like chubby old men, but as far as miniature chubby old men, she's cuter than most!